3 Decades of Existence!

Completing a decade of life is always a fun time. Be it turning 10, 20 or 30. In just under 2 months, I would be completing 30 years of existence on planet earth. Turning 30 marks a milestone in my life- opening up new avenues, I will always remember the nonsense things which I used to do in the last decade – stuff which I would never dare do now and the even more crazier shit that I used to do (by my standards) the decade before that. 

As much as I would like to tell you the experiences of my very 1st decade, I think it would arouse an “awhhh” response rather than a “shit” crazy response that I desire. Suffice to say, I did a lot of eating, pooping and sleeping and repeating the whole cycle day in and day out. I will however stick to the last 2 decades of my life- they are more exciting than when I was a baby

Well, in my 1st decade (read as age from 11-20), I did what any other self- respecting Indian boy would do - I learnt to swear!! Although this might not actually be my proud achievement but let me tell you one thing – till the time I was 15, I didn’t actually know what meant what. In fact, I was so naïve that I always use to mix up different swears…sometimes things won’t just make sense!! While my friends were at their creative best (playing DJs with swear words) during this time, I chose to become a Gandhian and started to avoid swearing. 

[Note to school friends- Now my school friends, you know why I didn’t swear! ]

Another important milestone during this decade was to being aware of girls. Trust me; I didn’t want to get a late start in this race. The market was buzzing by the time I became into my own. My self-awareness was like skynet – delayed but inevitable. Where there is kiddy love, there is heartbreak and so I learnt it the hard way when I saw my 1st rejection. It which came just after 6 months of being self-aware! Well, I don’t blame the girl who did reject me especially since my pickup line was “Will you play hops and bets with me?” This was during the time studs were finding their way to the gym. And here I was - like Paul Newman in a Arnold Schwarzenegger era! 

To say that I was a rebellious teenager would not be completely wrong. I did a lot of crazy things – breaking my school window but not getting caught, taking my cycle out for the very 1st spin just to fall into a a bush only to find out that there were thorns in it, buying a white t-shirt with a Titanic photo (who didn’t have that t-shirt???) and deciding that one day I will be a WWF Champion!! 

The age wasn’t the only thing that changed. Thing changed and rapidly. Almost overnight  words like “responsibility”, “accountability”, “adulthood”, “Future” started to be used more and more in conversation not just with family but even friends. What bigger indication of change than this – a “vada pav” which used to cost just 3 rupees was now costing 6 rupees! Life indeed was changing at a fast pace. I had to move from 8 Re food in school canteen to 20 Re meals in college canteen.

Yes, I started eating a lot. I think my taste buds evolved towards the end of the previous decade giving me the superhuman ability to gobble up lots of food. You just had to be there to believe it! Anyways, I was doing my engineering which anyone who has been through will testify is a tough life- food was my salvation and bunking lectures; copying assignments and watching movies became the order of life. As the years passed- attending lectures, submitting assignments, I realized I had turned into a top quality nerd who studied for marks and good grades! Just thinking about that time puts a smile on my face and I am left wondering- “me a nerd?” As I type, it seems hard for me to believe that it was indeed the absolute truth.

Apart from being the source of assignments for my friends, I found a band of them with whom I spent some of the most glorious moments of this decade. I vividly remember the long nonsensical chats about life, career, and those hookah loaded shenanigans and those couple jokes galore. These are amongst the finest hours of my life. These friendships have withstood the test of time and have been with me as I transitioned from a college kid into a bona fide employee.

“This is it” I thought to myself when I stepped through the door of my new company (late by a day). I was filled with hopes and dreams to be the next Bill gates. Also, I had to do something about this single situation that I had gone through for the past few years and office romance seemed like the perfect solution. So there I was, focusing on quantity rather than quality – behaving like a cat in a fish market! In office, people tend to fight over issues, circumstances and how to avoid them. I guess a bunch of us were the only few ones who actually fought over who should talk to which girl!

Office was the 1st time I realized that there are people north of Mumbai and South of Mumbai. My 1st real culture shock came in this decade when friends from the south abused me and my friends in their regional language. Fun times indeed! But I never deviated from my one true goal – finding my soul mate. I did find her at a place I would least expect it. Fact remains that I am glad that I looked in that corner rather than looking at the most obvious place. Right now, as I type this article sitting beside her, I feel that she was indeed the catch of the decade!!

Working in a corporate culture started to play with my principles and I changed jobs to find peace. However it turns I have become another cog in the big machinery. I have started to call “Problems” as “issues”, genuine thanks have became a sometimes sarcastic “Many Thanks”, spending hours in office has taken precedence over spending it at home with family and working together became a culinary fest! During the course of my “professional life”, I met a lot of people who helped me professionally. Some of these ties continued well beyond companies. Some were meant to be strictly professional ones and became just that. Fun has always been there but the spark, the twinkle is missing. 

As this decade draws to a close, if I were to meet the person who started this decade; I might not recognize him. Not because that person was not as ballooned up as I am now, lost hair and facial hair, but because that person represents the life when I was carefree and didn’t have to worry about professional development etc. The biggest worry was when is the next assignment due and if Sachin will make a century or not. As much as I know that person has gone and gone for good; I can’t help but cherish him in the deepest recesses of my mind and heart. I am really happy that my twenties have panned out the way they have. I found the love of my life, a big bunch of nice friends and some really close enemies. I have a lot to thank for. This decade has set the bar high for the next one. I just hope that when I sit down to write about the 4th decade of my life, I run out of places and run out of smilies to draw on! – looking forward to the naughty 40s :)

Turning 30

Mark Twain has said "Age is an issue of Mind over Matter. If you don't Mind it doesn't Matter".

Having recently graduated to the 30+ club, I have begun to see the wisdom of these words. As time goes by the number that denotes our age is not the only thing that increases. Every passing day brings in focus an increase in the number of lines, grey hair, baldness, weight. The body parts that were once perky and proud start succumbing to gravity. The hangovers are longer and more painful to recover from. The ideal weekend is one that is spent relaxing- watching TV or reading a book. Night outs are less frequent and when you do go out, it is usually to quite place where conversation and enjoying food and good company takes precedence over loud music and binge drinking. the number 30 separates the men from the boys, the girls from the ladies. In other words when you cross 30, you are no longer a kid. You are a grown up- expected to do grown up things like settling down and taking up more responsibility.

Recently at a mate's 30th, someone shared this piece of wisdom-
"When you are born, you don't know what the hell is happening
when you are in your teens, your parents tell you what the hell is happening
When you are in your twenties, you think you know everything thats happening
when you are in your fifties, you rely on people around you to tell you what the hell is happening
Its in your thirties that you begin to realise and accept that you don't really know or need to know what the hell is happening."

There are so many things that change- but it doesn't happen overnight although the realisation does come suddenly as a tidal wave- drenching you and leaving you soaking wet- with fear (of not having accomplished everything that you had set out to accomplish a decade ago) and relief (of knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin). When I turned 30, I was mildly depressed weeks leading up to it. I kept thinking of all the things that I wanted to finish by the time I turned 30 and I hadn't. But the day came and it went and I realised that being 30 is no different from being 29 or 19 or 9. I was happy knowing and acknowledging that although I had not conquered the professional world but I had done my best, learned a lot and made life long friends on the way. I also know now that it is not important to tick all the boxes. I want to enjoy my life, I want to experience new things. As they say the journey is the most important part of reaching your destination.  

So here I am sharing a few ways in which I have evolved over the last few years. 

1. I have realised that a successful career is not the be all and end all of the world. I still do my best at work and don't do a half-assed job. But I know that my health- physical and mental is important for me to be a better person. As soon as I clock off, work is out of my mind. I try to go home and have a nice evening relaxing with my better half. Taking work home, not worth the hassle.
2. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. In my 20's I seldom had breakfast. But now I have realised the importance of having breakfast that is healthy and filling. It sets a tone for the rest of my day. As much as I love coffee, I stick to one cup in the morning, followed by cereal or wholemeal toast- yum.
3. While we are still on the topic of food, my tastes have evolved. Although I haven't completely become a food snob, I do enjoy fine dining and I don't mind spending money on the experience. Also, big change in eating habits- Olive Oil is not a luxury anymore. I love drizzling it on salads, breads and soups. It is healthy and makes an OK dish taste delicious. Jamie Oliver is God for getting easy, interesting and delicious home cooking.
4. I have realised that friends are much more than just the people I hung out with. The friends I am still in touch with are the ones who have similar interests as I do. Reading books, watching movies, listening music etc. Since I was never a very out going person, I have always found people who are like me but of late- even more so. Opposites attracts but likes adhere. All my friendship that have endured the test of time have been with people who are a lot like I am. I may have a lot of "FB friends" but there are a few who are friends in real life too. I don't have to like their posts and photos. I dont even have to talk to them every day. But I know I can count on them when I need them the most.
5. You like to spend some thought and money on your clothes. Ripped jeans, thongs, hot pants are no longer your chosen Friday or weekend attire. Money and time is spent before going out of the house- to work or beach or party.
6. Long term relationships and thoughts of settling down are on your mind when interacting with people of opposite sex. Casual flirtation does not have the same charm anymore. Thirty is the time when people are more open to making long term commitments whereas the twenties are spent finding "THE ONE". Physical beauty takes a back seat and its the emotional intelligence that is more attractive.
7. You start thinking of buying property. Renting which was the best option in your 20s doesn't appeal to you any more. You start looking at the houses and apartments for sale in the suburbs- away from the hustle bustle and madness of the city. After I got married, we were very happy renting. However, now I do want to own a house- even though it means a hello big mortgage, hard work bye bye holidays and dream to own a V8 car.
8. The best part of growing up- doesn't matter whether you are in your 30s or 40s or 50s is you get to say cool things like- "Back in my days..". I used to get so annoyed when people started telling about how great things were- back in their days. Now I get to say that- every time. Back In my days- music was so much better. Back in my days, we didn't have Facebook or you tube or Wikipedia. Back in my days we walked 10 miles to get to our school- no cars. Aah the joys of annoying "younger" people.

So don't be sad as you come to the end of another decade. Just remember the end of one decade is also the beginning of a new one. Embrace the beauty and wisdom that comes with age. After all as they say age is just that- a number.

That Obnoxious Person in Office whom you don’t know!

Ever wondered how a relatively unknown person, someone whom you see often but aren’t really acquainted to, can tick you off the moment you lay your eyes on him? Well, if you say no then you know you are lying! I bet everyone, yes, everyone has a guy/girl aka bunny who just gets their blood burning at the mere sight of. That individual is usually the obnoxious person in office whom you don’t know!

Don’t get me wrong. I am really a fun loving guy. But I have this buddy in my office whom I just want to bash up real bad with his “wide screen” PC! I realized that I had a buddy suddenly when on a hot summer day, I walked into office pretty much on time. After connecting my laptop and letting it to boot and download my day’s literature, I went off to get some morning coffee with biscuits. In the pantry (also called Breakout area for some reason), I saw another person – just the 2 of us at that time present over there. He was short (about 5 feet 3 maybe), must have had a cigarette in the morning as the aroma was still with him in spirit. To make matters worse, he must have gobbled around 4-5 mints or something – either that or he must have bathed in peppermint soaked water. The blend of cigarette, mint and coffee was so intoxicating that a dead person might rise up from the grave, give this guy a wedgie, throw him in a pool or pond and then go back to being dead in peace!!

Anyways, in the “breakout” area, the guy was continuously pressing the coffee machine button trying to get all types of coffee options poured into one. I swear that I saw him dip a tea bag into the cup which was 3/4^th filled with coffee!! After the combined flavor, he turned around, smiled at me showing his teeth – as yellow as if each of his teeth is a jaundice patient, and left. It was that hot summer morning, at 9:15 am that I identified this jackass as my “Obnoxious Buddy” (OB)!

Karma is a bitch. I am a firm believer in this. And this belief gets reaffirmed when during your worst moods; you look and see your OB. Like the other day, I just was feeling very sleepy but I had to stay lively and BAMMMM – I saw my OB yawning and telling his friends “Aaj mai halfday pe ghar jaa raha hu” (I am going home on a half day). By the time he left my sight, I was groaning.

One day my OB really did something which got me laughing my ass off as well as angry as hell! In the restroom, while I was washing my hands and face, I could see him in the mirror standing behind me with his hair all dyed with Henna! Now he had an orange colored mane!! Plus he had applied copious amount of gel to make his hair all spiky. To top it all off, he was wearing oversized spectacles, thus giving him a pathetically bash-able look! Icing on the cake he smiled the fabled yellowed teeth smile!!!

What baffles me is that once you have identified your very own OB, you will start noticing them more and more often! They will be around you when you least expect them- annoying the crap out of you. It’s unreal to get that kind of consistency. It is as if an invisible force keeps on drawing that individual to do the actions that you so very much detest. They will make your good day bad and bad day worse. MY OB annoys the hell out of me by just showing up in the “breakout area” or for work.  You may say that it is just coincidence that our coffee timings match, believe me when I say this – I tried changing coffee time and that person still follows me in the “breakout” area!

OBs are omniscient. Most of the times they are someone whom you have seen but not interacted with. They always turn up in front of you to irritate you, frustrate you or downright amuse you.

 So, who is your OB? What does he/she do?

Movies & Me

People always ask me the reason for my fascination for movies. Some even criticize/ridicule me for wasting my time talking about movies and writing reviews about it. So, I felt that it is time to express what it is really about movies that makes me so passionate and makes me want to talk about it all the time.

Movie making is a multibillion dollar industry which rakes in a lot of attention. It is a source of income for a lot of people and is responsible for some serious money transactions, especially in the past decade. However, my interest in this industry isn’t about the money. It is about how the industry functions. If we have to make comparisons, it’s like any other project which gets initiated, designed, developed, tested and deployed. The only difference is – there are no variables to restrict you.

The art of storytelling has been around for centuries. Our grandparents used to do it all the time when we weren’t able to sleep. Those stories would churn our imagination, give us hope, give us confidence to know that good always wins over evil; future is what we make of it based on the choices which we have. I always felt that certain genres of movies helped evoke the same sentiment in me as those stories. When Hulk smashes Loki to the ground, when Batman outsmarts the Joker, when the Titans put aside racial discrimination and score the perfect season, it gives me hope that good and logic would always prevail. For those 2 hours, I am in a land where all the real world nonsense and injustice is left behind and the perfect/just world takes shape and progresses in front of me.

Heroism has always been something which mankind looks up to. It gives a sense of comfort knowing that someone always is around to save the day. Through movies, I sense the same comfort which heroes give. In fact some movies try to convey that it is always the truth, the hero within each and every individual would always prevail and save the day for yourself and the millions who might be affected. This kind of comfort, the kind of confidence makes me marvel at the way things are laid out in the imperfect world and gives me the courage/inspiration to fight and overthrow all the imperfections that are around me.

Life is cruel and it is unfair. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon nor does everyone have a godfather or even that stroke of luck which would make their life decent. For some people, things just don’t happen. In such a depressing situation, in such a mundane lifestyle, you always need something to thrill you, to bring a smile on your face. That’s what a weekend at the movies does for me. It entertains me. It makes me laugh. It makes me forget all nonsense that may be happening with my life at that point in time. It saves me (for 2 hours at least).

Writing about something which you love and gives you a rush is something which is a tricky thing to do. You have to keep a control over your emotions and dish out things which are fair and logical while sharing your opinions with the world. People have opinions on each other, politics, and sports. I have an opinion on movies. Simple. People struggle to write 140 characters opinions. I manage to write whole 2 pages of it. Simple. Giving opinions for something that I love is what liberates me. I can be belittled by a few but I cannot give it up just because of those few. I know that there are a lot of person who appreciate my opinion and that’s what I give. It is a sense of discussion that comes to light when I write those words. It is my way of communicating to the whole world what I think about what I love. Is it wrong to do that? Is it wrong to convey that? Think about it.

Social Monster

Social Media has become an integral part of our lives today. Facebook, Google+, Twitter have now become our primary source of news and current affairs rather than the traditional printed newspapers or news websites. Social media has also become an important medium to create awareness about the important things- social injustice, political atrocities, corruption and not so important things- parties, music concerts, upcoming movies etc. The power of social media was most notably on display during the Arab Spring crisis, India against Corruption movement to name a few.

On one hand social media has become the tool that can bring the powers that be- down on their knees and on the other hand, social media is also filled with people who are using it to propagate their own hidden agendas. There are pages on Facebook that incite hatred- against Muslims, against Christians, against Hindus- religion doesn't matter. The hate mongers are very secular and can be found in all shapes, sizes, country and religion. There are people- "Trolls" as they are usually referred to on Social media- who spend their days baiting people online by posting derogatory comments, bullying people online and going so far as to deface memorial pages created for people who are no longer with us.

I recently came across a campaign that has been initiated against Facebook to remove pages that encourage violence against women. APPARENTLY it's funny to kick your girlfriend in the uterus if she won't make you a sandwich. Vile content such as this on Facebook, inciting rape and violence against women, has sparked a growing social media campaign aimed at forcing the site to take a stronger stance against gender-based hate speech. I also don't particularly find the idea of kicking a man in the nuts (another FB page) particularly funny. The photos on some of these pages are just disturbing- women who have been badly beaten and bruised. There are morons out there who like these photos and I am not talking about a 100 likes. I am talking 100K likes. The comments are absolutely appalling and disturbing.

Social media is a powerful tool- but when in the hands of tools, it can just easily become a deadly weapon. There have been countless cases of Facebook bullying reported all over the world where the victims have been so distraught that they have committed or tried to commit suicide. Most of these people are in their teens- out having a good time and then the next day- their embarrassing photos and videos are splashed all over the internet. We all have been drunk or stupid or both in our lifetime but does that mean we are fair game for bullying on the internet? Mobile phone operators have made it easy for people to be on the internet all the time. The concepts of privacy, personal space, basic respect for people and beliefs has gotten lost in our desperate need to be the coolest, most connected person. More and more teenagers are growing up to be insecure and sociopathic- more prone to predators lurking in the anonymous, shadowy world of the internet. We were all warned of the "Stranger Danger" when we were little. But the internet has made the people who are known to us more dangerous than the strangers.

We can all do our little bit to stop the rot- stop liking and re-tweeting anything that incites hatred, is misogynistic or misandryistic. Really it is that simple.

Superheroes

Quite often I am asked as to why I am so fascinated by superheroes. What is it about these comic book movies that I simply love and marvel about for weeks after watching those? Well, honestly, this isn’t something which I truly focused on in the past. However, recently I was intrigued in terms of how deep my interest has gone into making these characters, these Super Heroes, a part of my life! That is when I began introspecting…

When you are a kid, everything around you seems supernatural. In fact, the very 1^st superhero you meet is your father. From your small beady eyes, you see this colossus of a man picking you up as if you are nothing, move around heavy chairs and furniture as if it's as light as a feather! You seem to think that “Wow, he can really do it! I want to be like him”.

Times change, perspectives change. However, there is one basic thought which still remains within you. A thought that gives you confidence during your childhood and right upto your adulthood – your parents are the “goto” people for you. They are the people who would make things happen - People who can fish you out of trouble. These become the people who you believe would make things right.

As you get older, you realize that there are certain things which practically cannot be set right by your parents. Rather, it is outside their reach. Such realizations come typically when you set sail on your own life’s journey – once you leave the umbrella of protection of your parents.

All the memories of childhood go up in flames when you enter into your work place. The imaginary problems start becoming realistic as you are surrounded by cut throat competition and malpractices. As your world expands beyond your work place and you become aware/mature about the happenings around you, you tend to get dejected to see that there is no savior amongst your rank. The constant corrupt practices on display really make you think that you should either fight against it or keep mum. Even if you keep quiet, there is a little part of yourself which yearns for a savior - someone whom you used to know since you were a child. 

These conflicting thoughts reach a crescendo where you begin to get flashes of your childhood. You tend to map your current experiences and disappointments with those which happened back then. You remember that back then your parents were the ones who fought for you and pulled you out of the black hole. However, this is when practicality overrides these thoughts telling you that the problems can no longer be solved by them. That brings you to an awkward moment – you know the solution which cannot be implemented.

This conflict propels you to look for options outside your cocoon of trust. You strive to look somewhere else, some source who can give you the expected respite from the corrupt mal-practicing world. While your mind is at its most vulnerable, it turns to something that gives hope, something that makes you believe that logic and sanity would ultimately prevail.

Superheroes are a hit with children because it helps them understand the virtues of good against bad. It helps them believe that at the end of the day, good would always prevail. They give them hope and a sense of trust that whatever be the odds, whatever be the situation, good practices would always prevail.

My equation with superheroes is also the same. When you look at the world as a whole, you cant help but map the real world situations with the one which Batman encounters in Gotham or the one which Superman encounters in Metropolis or which Ironman sees when he asks Jarvis to ready his suit. The presence of these heroes in your psyche gives you hope and belief that no matter what good would always prevail. In some scenarios, it gives you inspiration to take charge and work towards a better tomorrow.

It is all upto the mind. You can take any kind of inspiration from anywhere. Then why not take hope and inspiration from something which gave you hope and inspiration since your childhood. Always remember that your 1^st superheroes were your parents. They help you always to fight your internal demons. Always look up to them if ever you find yourself alone fighting those demons in a no-win scenario.

When demons from the outside world beckon, you can always get inspired by superhero stories from your childhood. Never expect a Batman or Superman to save the day in the real world. Be the Batman and clear the Dark Night that has engulfed your world.

'Twas the Season to be Sorry

The end of year is usually meant to be joyful. After all 'tis the season to be merry... However, 2012 end was anything but. First the Sandy Hook massacre of innocent lives than the rape of innocence in the heart of a nation's capital. A 23 year old girl was brutally gangraped by six people on a private bus in the capital of India- Delhi. She and her male friend were left by the roadside to die. The nation has seen major protests not just locally but in places like Hong Kong and even Pakistan. People are demanding stricter laws for sex crimes and I dont blame them. The current punishment for rape in India is a maximum 10 year imprisonment and the accused can apply for bail and possibly lead a normal life while the wheels on the judicial system turn and turn and turn.

I am all for stricter laws but what good are the laws when they cannot or are not being enforced? The police, the judiciary and the Indian society in general is not sympathetic towards females. As a Delhiite, I will think twice before approaching a police man if I need help. Why--?? Because there is no guarantee that the policeman will not take undue advantage of my situation. Any girl who approaches police complaining about rape is usually ridiculed, not taken seriously or worst humiliated publically. Why would a woman who has already gone through hell want to go through all the bull shit again?

I was born and brought up in Delhi. I studied in a co-ed school, then did my grad and post grad there. I did not have a car of my own so travelled a lot on public transport and I did not have a mobile phone until 2002. I survived in Delhi by keeping my head down, never reacting to hooligans, going out in a private vehicle with friends and getting my brothers to pick me up after dark. This was no way to live but I knew no other way- until I went to Mumbai. As much as I love Delhi, I would say that I found Mumbai to be a safer city for women than Delhi. I and my girl friends stayed out late without the fear of being abducted. However even in Mumbai, we avoided travelling in the bus after 10 pm and never alone.

The gory details of the rape are still being released in media and social networking sites. Amidst the collective outrage of the nation, there are some people who cannot help but put the blame on the victim. Statements like "she should have known better", "what was she doing in company of a male", "she was out late, she was asking for it" are being whispered in some circles. As a female, I take umbrage at such statements. Last time I checked, India is a free country and it is the 21st century. Yet there are people who will not bat an eyelid before laying the blame on the feet of the woman. I never supported the slut walk or the concept but now I do. A woman should be able to wear anything , go out and stay out late without the fear of being ogled at or worst raped. Why is it that men cannot control there urges? If men can be turned on by a woman in a short skirt, then how are they any different from an animal humping in public?

Rape is an extreme form of violating a woman. However, there are other ways in which a woman's dignity is violated- almost daily and it goes unnoticed or is accepted as a normal behaviour. You would think that educated men don't do such things- Wrong. I have seen many well educated men- many of them my colleagues making lewd comments about female co-workers. Why..??? Simply because she is wearing a low cut blouse or a mini skirt or tight fitting trousers. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is encouraged by the popular media. All superhit movies begin with the hero teasing the heroine at the start of the movie. The heroine shows mock outrage but falls in love with the hero anyways and they live happily ever after. People are fed this tripe and they lap it up. The moral police keeps raising objections on the lengths of the skirts or the nude photoshoot by someone but never against this crap that is aired 24*7 on TV.

It is never ok to tease/lust at a woman- no matter how long or short her skirt is. A woman should be treated with all the respect that she deserves as a human being- at all times. It is a crime to look the other way when a woman is being abused- sexually or otherwise. And most importantly, women should start treating each other with a little more respect if we want men to start respecting us. If a man thinks that committing such heinous acts make them an Alpha male, then they are grossly mistaken. In my book, this is an act of utter cowardice, an impotent attempt to exert one’s domination in this diverse civilization.