Stranger In The Rain

Drops from heaven splash on my soul

Help me hide my tears from the world as a whole

Does it really hurt this much I wonder

As the skies roar in thunder

Smart people have always got the way ahead

On the weaker bunch they have fed

With each heavenly drop that seems to cleanse my mind

My path towards success is still difficult to find

Smiling in the rain the little kids play

Completely ignorant of what ahead in life lays

But soon the kids will come to remember

Those one off rain showers every other November]

A faint hope is all that is the need

The hope is the best sowed seed

But every other time I see my reflection in the rain water

Stranger in the rain is all that matters

 

A Big Guy In A Big World

God has been kind to give me a huge body
But still I feel like a nobody.

The world is big, there isn't a doubt about it
Fitting myself in it is the real big sight.

When I take 2 steps forward, the world takes ten
That's when i feel like picking up my pen.

Not to write about my struggles, but to write about good things
Things that give my mind some wings.

Letting my mind fly off is a real treat
As I get to write a lot of stuff that is pretty neat.

But the fact remains that my mind has to come back to reality
Come back to my life which ain't that shitty.

Although I ain't completely disappointed with the way my life has been
But there are a lot of things I would have wanted my life to mean.

To follow your passion is something that only a few can achieve
A thriving career so easy to leave.

But that's a risk which is really bold
Else you just end up as a big guy in a big world.

A Joker

Growing up days is always a challenge. There is pressure to excel in all areas where you are expected to put your hand in. Socially, it is the defining moment in any kid’s life as it basically labels him/her. It defines the social persona which the individual tends to abide by as the growth sprouts into adulthood and so on.

In our school days, joining a group is always the difficult part. In fact, it is the most challenge part for any child. Some kids tend to get through without any major problems. There are some who need a holding hand, while there are some who aren’t sure of what his/her role is in life. There is another category who, in a bid to seek approval, provide the role which is actually the most interesting aspect of any group – laughter.

Think about any group you have ever seen or been in. There is always the king and queen, the advisor to the king, few minions to the king and queen and there is a joker. The “job” of the joker is very simple – keep the humour levels up and the frustration levels down in the group. The joker is someone who always has to be quick witted, always someone who makes the queen laugh and cry tears of joy and always is the one who suffers the wrath of the king and his minions.

Time passes, people grow up, but the persona (king, queen, minions) remains intact within the mind and mannerisms of the people who once were a part of the group. There are a few who crash and burn but that’s a topic for another day. Similar to others, the joker persona sticks to the individual all the way into his golden years.

The tricky thing about the joker persona is the seriousness. No one really takes a joker seriously. Everything which he says is construed to be a joke even if it is a cry for help or a personal disclosure. People often share jokes cracked by the funny guy. However, when these jokes are actual reality, the joker’s life is put on full delay for the entire world to make fun of!

What I feel is that the joker persona is an extremely unfair one. Just think about it. A person who just tries his/her best at a social acceptance by cracking a lot of jokes will never be the one who would be taken seriously in any group he/she is part of. The persona is just some entertainer who would be enjoyed while it last and then be forgotten once the “show” is over.

Essentially the joker always walks alone. He/she has the most difficult “job” in the world. However, the caring aspect, the “feeling of a part of the group” aspect is never tagged to this character. It is always someone else who just flexes his way through anything that commands some care and love but never the joker. Jokes come and go. The moment you seem to be losing it, the interest in the persona reduces and the person just stops being important. So much so, that he/she is ignored altogether!

In my opinion, if there is a persona who is capable of really putting a smile to your face in times when you need this, this persona needs to be supported, cared for and maintained. I believe the jokers are the bravest people around as they are the ones who put a smile on your face, the ones who can laugh on themselves. It shouldn’t be assumed that being a joker is a complete waste of time. The jokers of the world do make it big. Personally I have seen them make big with the wit and charm which is their soul but they have gone through some terrible social rejection. In fact they still might be going through it. However they always face rejection with a small joke and a great big smile!

Shadows

Lets face one simple fact in today’s world. No one has the time for humanity. In a crowded street, you would have multiple dozens of people walking about minding their own business. Smartphones claim to bring people closer to each other. But do they really bring anyone close by? A few messages on Whatsapp, that elusive call from your love one, that quick status update or that awesome pic which you want the world to see more than you want to enjoy it yourself. There are a lot of things in life we feel we are closer to. But the fact remains that the only thing really closer to us is our own reflection – our own shadows.

Funny thing about an abstract thing like shadows is that they tend to make a lot of sense if you put the right sense of perspective. Its not about being over-critical about something which is natural in life and is an offspring of the most simple of “light magic” that you see. I tend to think of it from another angle.

Put the following thought into focus – In the morning, your shadow starts trailing you the moment you leave your house. It is happily following you wherever you go, it mimics whatever you do. Then as time progresses, it sort of “merges” with you. It becomes up. In other words, it catches up with you. The shadow and you become one. Then you start following your shadow! You start doing thing which it is doing, you start going where it is going. Finally as the day end grows nearer, your leader starts to fade till the time it completely vanishes leaving you to deal with the world and yourself alone for the next 12 hours.

When a person goes home from work/social place, it is a natural aspect to reflect on how the day has gone for him/her. Some people want to distract their reflection by engaging in “small talk” using the most amazing modern technology that money has to offer. However, this is the time when you are truly alone. Ergo the need to talk to someone or socialize with something. Maybe, you share that thought or that pic you took in the morning. Maybe you chat with your friends or love ones. There are few people who actually do self-exploration. When you tend to look into a perspective mirror at the end of the day, you would realize how your daily companion – your shadow – helped you out during the day.

Your day begins with energy. It begins with a realization that today is the day when you go out and achieve. Your friend, the shadow, hears you out and gives you a chance to work out your achievement at a pace suitable for yourself. It follows you, it studies you. It goes where you go, it does what you do. It records you. Then when your day is half done, it syncs/merges up with you. It discusses with you what how your 1^st half of the day went. Most of the times, it loses the argument. Sometimes, you decide that the pointers provided are valid and allow it to take over and “lead” you into the remainder of the day. Then you tend to follow it, do what it does, say what it says and go where it goes.

Satisfied with the day’s work, the shadow fades away living you in darkness to retrospect your day. That is when you tend to realize that you did things which you didn’t mean to but had to do it because of some aspects of the morning which causes you to do it. Its your shadow who made you do it. You didn’t hurt someone in the afternoon, your shadow did it. The innocence of your thought grips you. You try to look for help, but help has deserted you, your companion has completed its 8 hour shift. The only thing left to do now is to think about how you would avoid the situations tomorrow. You plan out a strategy with a clean slate and then finally arrive at something you would do with your companion. Unfortunately, the cycle repeats.

Shadows can be our friends or our enemies. However, instead of blindly following them, we need to visit the darkness, the hole that exists in our lives to truly understand if we can live with the decisions that our shadow makes for us. Do we truly want to be known by the company we keep, do we truly need to be followed or follow others.

3 Decades of Existence!

Completing a decade of life is always a fun time. Be it turning 10, 20 or 30. In just under 2 months, I would be completing 30 years of existence on planet earth. Turning 30 marks a milestone in my life- opening up new avenues, I will always remember the nonsense things which I used to do in the last decade – stuff which I would never dare do now and the even more crazier shit that I used to do (by my standards) the decade before that. 

As much as I would like to tell you the experiences of my very 1st decade, I think it would arouse an “awhhh” response rather than a “shit” crazy response that I desire. Suffice to say, I did a lot of eating, pooping and sleeping and repeating the whole cycle day in and day out. I will however stick to the last 2 decades of my life- they are more exciting than when I was a baby

Well, in my 1st decade (read as age from 11-20), I did what any other self- respecting Indian boy would do - I learnt to swear!! Although this might not actually be my proud achievement but let me tell you one thing – till the time I was 15, I didn’t actually know what meant what. In fact, I was so naïve that I always use to mix up different swears…sometimes things won’t just make sense!! While my friends were at their creative best (playing DJs with swear words) during this time, I chose to become a Gandhian and started to avoid swearing. 

[Note to school friends- Now my school friends, you know why I didn’t swear! ]

Another important milestone during this decade was to being aware of girls. Trust me; I didn’t want to get a late start in this race. The market was buzzing by the time I became into my own. My self-awareness was like skynet – delayed but inevitable. Where there is kiddy love, there is heartbreak and so I learnt it the hard way when I saw my 1st rejection. It which came just after 6 months of being self-aware! Well, I don’t blame the girl who did reject me especially since my pickup line was “Will you play hops and bets with me?” This was during the time studs were finding their way to the gym. And here I was - like Paul Newman in a Arnold Schwarzenegger era! 

To say that I was a rebellious teenager would not be completely wrong. I did a lot of crazy things – breaking my school window but not getting caught, taking my cycle out for the very 1st spin just to fall into a a bush only to find out that there were thorns in it, buying a white t-shirt with a Titanic photo (who didn’t have that t-shirt???) and deciding that one day I will be a WWF Champion!! 

The age wasn’t the only thing that changed. Thing changed and rapidly. Almost overnight  words like “responsibility”, “accountability”, “adulthood”, “Future” started to be used more and more in conversation not just with family but even friends. What bigger indication of change than this – a “vada pav” which used to cost just 3 rupees was now costing 6 rupees! Life indeed was changing at a fast pace. I had to move from 8 Re food in school canteen to 20 Re meals in college canteen.

Yes, I started eating a lot. I think my taste buds evolved towards the end of the previous decade giving me the superhuman ability to gobble up lots of food. You just had to be there to believe it! Anyways, I was doing my engineering which anyone who has been through will testify is a tough life- food was my salvation and bunking lectures; copying assignments and watching movies became the order of life. As the years passed- attending lectures, submitting assignments, I realized I had turned into a top quality nerd who studied for marks and good grades! Just thinking about that time puts a smile on my face and I am left wondering- “me a nerd?” As I type, it seems hard for me to believe that it was indeed the absolute truth.

Apart from being the source of assignments for my friends, I found a band of them with whom I spent some of the most glorious moments of this decade. I vividly remember the long nonsensical chats about life, career, and those hookah loaded shenanigans and those couple jokes galore. These are amongst the finest hours of my life. These friendships have withstood the test of time and have been with me as I transitioned from a college kid into a bona fide employee.

“This is it” I thought to myself when I stepped through the door of my new company (late by a day). I was filled with hopes and dreams to be the next Bill gates. Also, I had to do something about this single situation that I had gone through for the past few years and office romance seemed like the perfect solution. So there I was, focusing on quantity rather than quality – behaving like a cat in a fish market! In office, people tend to fight over issues, circumstances and how to avoid them. I guess a bunch of us were the only few ones who actually fought over who should talk to which girl!

Office was the 1st time I realized that there are people north of Mumbai and South of Mumbai. My 1st real culture shock came in this decade when friends from the south abused me and my friends in their regional language. Fun times indeed! But I never deviated from my one true goal – finding my soul mate. I did find her at a place I would least expect it. Fact remains that I am glad that I looked in that corner rather than looking at the most obvious place. Right now, as I type this article sitting beside her, I feel that she was indeed the catch of the decade!!

Working in a corporate culture started to play with my principles and I changed jobs to find peace. However it turns I have become another cog in the big machinery. I have started to call “Problems” as “issues”, genuine thanks have became a sometimes sarcastic “Many Thanks”, spending hours in office has taken precedence over spending it at home with family and working together became a culinary fest! During the course of my “professional life”, I met a lot of people who helped me professionally. Some of these ties continued well beyond companies. Some were meant to be strictly professional ones and became just that. Fun has always been there but the spark, the twinkle is missing. 

As this decade draws to a close, if I were to meet the person who started this decade; I might not recognize him. Not because that person was not as ballooned up as I am now, lost hair and facial hair, but because that person represents the life when I was carefree and didn’t have to worry about professional development etc. The biggest worry was when is the next assignment due and if Sachin will make a century or not. As much as I know that person has gone and gone for good; I can’t help but cherish him in the deepest recesses of my mind and heart. I am really happy that my twenties have panned out the way they have. I found the love of my life, a big bunch of nice friends and some really close enemies. I have a lot to thank for. This decade has set the bar high for the next one. I just hope that when I sit down to write about the 4th decade of my life, I run out of places and run out of smilies to draw on! – looking forward to the naughty 40s :)

Turning 30

Mark Twain has said "Age is an issue of Mind over Matter. If you don't Mind it doesn't Matter".

Having recently graduated to the 30+ club, I have begun to see the wisdom of these words. As time goes by the number that denotes our age is not the only thing that increases. Every passing day brings in focus an increase in the number of lines, grey hair, baldness, weight. The body parts that were once perky and proud start succumbing to gravity. The hangovers are longer and more painful to recover from. The ideal weekend is one that is spent relaxing- watching TV or reading a book. Night outs are less frequent and when you do go out, it is usually to quite place where conversation and enjoying food and good company takes precedence over loud music and binge drinking. the number 30 separates the men from the boys, the girls from the ladies. In other words when you cross 30, you are no longer a kid. You are a grown up- expected to do grown up things like settling down and taking up more responsibility.

Recently at a mate's 30th, someone shared this piece of wisdom-
"When you are born, you don't know what the hell is happening
when you are in your teens, your parents tell you what the hell is happening
When you are in your twenties, you think you know everything thats happening
when you are in your fifties, you rely on people around you to tell you what the hell is happening
Its in your thirties that you begin to realise and accept that you don't really know or need to know what the hell is happening."

There are so many things that change- but it doesn't happen overnight although the realisation does come suddenly as a tidal wave- drenching you and leaving you soaking wet- with fear (of not having accomplished everything that you had set out to accomplish a decade ago) and relief (of knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin). When I turned 30, I was mildly depressed weeks leading up to it. I kept thinking of all the things that I wanted to finish by the time I turned 30 and I hadn't. But the day came and it went and I realised that being 30 is no different from being 29 or 19 or 9. I was happy knowing and acknowledging that although I had not conquered the professional world but I had done my best, learned a lot and made life long friends on the way. I also know now that it is not important to tick all the boxes. I want to enjoy my life, I want to experience new things. As they say the journey is the most important part of reaching your destination.  

So here I am sharing a few ways in which I have evolved over the last few years. 

1. I have realised that a successful career is not the be all and end all of the world. I still do my best at work and don't do a half-assed job. But I know that my health- physical and mental is important for me to be a better person. As soon as I clock off, work is out of my mind. I try to go home and have a nice evening relaxing with my better half. Taking work home, not worth the hassle.
2. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. In my 20's I seldom had breakfast. But now I have realised the importance of having breakfast that is healthy and filling. It sets a tone for the rest of my day. As much as I love coffee, I stick to one cup in the morning, followed by cereal or wholemeal toast- yum.
3. While we are still on the topic of food, my tastes have evolved. Although I haven't completely become a food snob, I do enjoy fine dining and I don't mind spending money on the experience. Also, big change in eating habits- Olive Oil is not a luxury anymore. I love drizzling it on salads, breads and soups. It is healthy and makes an OK dish taste delicious. Jamie Oliver is God for getting easy, interesting and delicious home cooking.
4. I have realised that friends are much more than just the people I hung out with. The friends I am still in touch with are the ones who have similar interests as I do. Reading books, watching movies, listening music etc. Since I was never a very out going person, I have always found people who are like me but of late- even more so. Opposites attracts but likes adhere. All my friendship that have endured the test of time have been with people who are a lot like I am. I may have a lot of "FB friends" but there are a few who are friends in real life too. I don't have to like their posts and photos. I dont even have to talk to them every day. But I know I can count on them when I need them the most.
5. You like to spend some thought and money on your clothes. Ripped jeans, thongs, hot pants are no longer your chosen Friday or weekend attire. Money and time is spent before going out of the house- to work or beach or party.
6. Long term relationships and thoughts of settling down are on your mind when interacting with people of opposite sex. Casual flirtation does not have the same charm anymore. Thirty is the time when people are more open to making long term commitments whereas the twenties are spent finding "THE ONE". Physical beauty takes a back seat and its the emotional intelligence that is more attractive.
7. You start thinking of buying property. Renting which was the best option in your 20s doesn't appeal to you any more. You start looking at the houses and apartments for sale in the suburbs- away from the hustle bustle and madness of the city. After I got married, we were very happy renting. However, now I do want to own a house- even though it means a hello big mortgage, hard work bye bye holidays and dream to own a V8 car.
8. The best part of growing up- doesn't matter whether you are in your 30s or 40s or 50s is you get to say cool things like- "Back in my days..". I used to get so annoyed when people started telling about how great things were- back in their days. Now I get to say that- every time. Back In my days- music was so much better. Back in my days, we didn't have Facebook or you tube or Wikipedia. Back in my days we walked 10 miles to get to our school- no cars. Aah the joys of annoying "younger" people.

So don't be sad as you come to the end of another decade. Just remember the end of one decade is also the beginning of a new one. Embrace the beauty and wisdom that comes with age. After all as they say age is just that- a number.

That Obnoxious Person in Office whom you don’t know!

Ever wondered how a relatively unknown person, someone whom you see often but aren’t really acquainted to, can tick you off the moment you lay your eyes on him? Well, if you say no then you know you are lying! I bet everyone, yes, everyone has a guy/girl aka bunny who just gets their blood burning at the mere sight of. That individual is usually the obnoxious person in office whom you don’t know!

Don’t get me wrong. I am really a fun loving guy. But I have this buddy in my office whom I just want to bash up real bad with his “wide screen” PC! I realized that I had a buddy suddenly when on a hot summer day, I walked into office pretty much on time. After connecting my laptop and letting it to boot and download my day’s literature, I went off to get some morning coffee with biscuits. In the pantry (also called Breakout area for some reason), I saw another person – just the 2 of us at that time present over there. He was short (about 5 feet 3 maybe), must have had a cigarette in the morning as the aroma was still with him in spirit. To make matters worse, he must have gobbled around 4-5 mints or something – either that or he must have bathed in peppermint soaked water. The blend of cigarette, mint and coffee was so intoxicating that a dead person might rise up from the grave, give this guy a wedgie, throw him in a pool or pond and then go back to being dead in peace!!

Anyways, in the “breakout” area, the guy was continuously pressing the coffee machine button trying to get all types of coffee options poured into one. I swear that I saw him dip a tea bag into the cup which was 3/4^th filled with coffee!! After the combined flavor, he turned around, smiled at me showing his teeth – as yellow as if each of his teeth is a jaundice patient, and left. It was that hot summer morning, at 9:15 am that I identified this jackass as my “Obnoxious Buddy” (OB)!

Karma is a bitch. I am a firm believer in this. And this belief gets reaffirmed when during your worst moods; you look and see your OB. Like the other day, I just was feeling very sleepy but I had to stay lively and BAMMMM – I saw my OB yawning and telling his friends “Aaj mai halfday pe ghar jaa raha hu” (I am going home on a half day). By the time he left my sight, I was groaning.

One day my OB really did something which got me laughing my ass off as well as angry as hell! In the restroom, while I was washing my hands and face, I could see him in the mirror standing behind me with his hair all dyed with Henna! Now he had an orange colored mane!! Plus he had applied copious amount of gel to make his hair all spiky. To top it all off, he was wearing oversized spectacles, thus giving him a pathetically bash-able look! Icing on the cake he smiled the fabled yellowed teeth smile!!!

What baffles me is that once you have identified your very own OB, you will start noticing them more and more often! They will be around you when you least expect them- annoying the crap out of you. It’s unreal to get that kind of consistency. It is as if an invisible force keeps on drawing that individual to do the actions that you so very much detest. They will make your good day bad and bad day worse. MY OB annoys the hell out of me by just showing up in the “breakout area” or for work.  You may say that it is just coincidence that our coffee timings match, believe me when I say this – I tried changing coffee time and that person still follows me in the “breakout” area!

OBs are omniscient. Most of the times they are someone whom you have seen but not interacted with. They always turn up in front of you to irritate you, frustrate you or downright amuse you.

 So, who is your OB? What does he/she do?